Tag Archives: Fantasy

Of Schneemenschen and Solís

Want. A desire older than time identified and humanity gentrified. Folly be it to humans that it is theirs alone to possess. The quality of want is ubiquitous in every last morsel of the universe. Quite a delicacy, and delicate it is, as it presents a tug of war in a congress of existence with frayed rope. All pull to their side of want, gain as much as possible and gamble against possibility of breakage. Anger. Destruction.

As it so happens, the frigid community of Schneemenschen was in no short supply of want, as their huts lay deep in snow’s company. Their trees crackled to the force of Boreas bloviating on the virtues of Winter. Their furnaces became hungrier with every degree closer to zero. Their hours drug out mercilessly as the landscape became unfit for life. Their igloos were their world, and within such casing does a beast wait for a time of mildness and the taste of freedom.

In another corner of the world lay the República del Sol, sweltering under Summer’s heat. Exhausted, with little relief, the Solís huffed in thick atmosphere. Their eyes stung with sweat as the orbs spun incessantly hither and thither in their watery sockets. Fruitless endeavors would make up most of the days, while lethargy occupied most nights. No spot seemed sweeter than that which boasts a shade-free existence.

Trying to please their people the Kühlenkönigin and Presidente Calor sent scouts to all ends of the Earth looking for the prime place of relocation. Within the year, their parties returned most excited and spoke of land green with life and water neither steamy nor frozen. Balmy were the days and gentle the nights as it was beyond even the reach of the gods. Truly a paradise fit for either tribe.

Enthusiasm was felt in both communities that night as celebrations of new land filled their hearts with joy. It was time for a change, and for the better! As soon as they could, Solís and Schneemenchen alike packed their belongings and headed in the direction of prosperity. It wasn’t long before they found the very place of which their tribesmen spoke. Trees with leaves! Grass that’s green! Rivers that flow and pleasing to the palate. No book or poet could ever capture the true happiness contained within the hearts of these desperate people.

Often it said, and often it correct, that things too good to be true are. Soon both people found themselves in the company of one another. Neither tribe wanted a neighbor, and even less a polar opposite. These were their trees, their streams, and their grass. This was their land! How dare someone else try to take it away so quickly. If we can’t have it, then no one can!

With that, a war raged to destroy paradise. The Schneemenchen brought their Wintery wrath, plucked tree leaves, froze rivers, and blanketed grass. The Solís browned the Earth with Summer’s ire, and brought drought to nature’s creation. The only problem was in the personality of the embattled nations. So different, yet so alike, neither one could convince the other to leave for good. Instead, periods of victory were followed by periods of defeat and such outcomes forged an endless loop of hot and cold for all to observe.   

Humans have lived with “seasons” for so long, they do not realize what they witness. No scholar, historian, or sage can ever recall the lore behind the phenomenon and come up with other reasons meteorological to soothe the curiosity of Man. This does not stop our two tribes from fighting and the Schneemenchen and República del Sol will engage in a fierce struggle leaving such no-man’s-land scorched, parched, and blistered, or iced, frozen, and frostbitten in a cycle of want. Unfortunately to all matter involved, this want will never be satisfied. The lust for more is a candle never consumed, and such a dance is two steps forward with two steps back.

© 2014 by Corvidae in the Fields, all rights reserved

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It’s Just a Fairy Tale

“The terms of your surrender are as thus,” Nicator the Ambitious was on his best warhorse, high and ostentatious. Large gold plating coated the exemplary equine specimen with scrolling wheat and cherub faces. He was the new empire, and aggressive expansion was the first priority. The very best of his conquests held at attention behind him. All of them skilled warriors, now duty-bound to serve in his army. Anything less than conformity would mean the systematic cleansing of their lineage.

“You shall submit to my authority and all of your resources shall be shared equally throughout my domain. You shall pay tax, which will be collected at the first of every month. All of you shall be examined by the army physicians for military fitness. Any qualified soldier shall be impressed into the ranks with unconditional compliance. Any resistance shall not be tolerated and your people would face certain eradication. As I see your ‘army’ standing before me, I doubt any of you would have to worry about that last stipulation.”

He was correct, if a bit direct. A hastily cobbled militia of country folk was the best the area could do. Determined to fight for their loved ones, these laymen to Aries would have their blood spilt in seconds. The corner country simply known as “the Thicket” was steeped in farmers and shepherds. Superstitious, but hard working and simple, their removed location from the rest of the world, the known world, their little world, suited them just fine. Burlap sacks travel further on the backs of asses.

“Do you accept these terms?” Impatient, Nicator was now pushing himself to speed up the formalities. This was no fight, and he’d rather be heading north into the mineral rich Isthan mountains. The precious metals found there would fund his overseas campaigns. He always wanted to travel the world.

“I do not, sir.” Quiet and full of breath, yet firm and full of conviction, was the reply. A mounted knight, armored cap-a-pie in flat black plate approached the party divide. The conveyance, pallid yet hale, suggested it had passed its expiry date but was held hostage by the binds of enchantment. At its feet, a wispy shroud mingled in the grass.

With superstitions come fairy tales, and with fairy tales come ghost stories. The Thicket, with its bounty of lush property, espoused a tract of land decayed. Tucked behind the fields of wheat and the mountain sheep, was a mossy bog ever smoking like the fumes of dry ice. Bleached-white ash trunks fractured in the sun, and gnarled oaks stretched their way out to claw and scratch. Black mud rolled with wondrous varieties of serpents and reptiles, fungi and Monera.

This damnable earth carried a long and sad fable. An old tale… one of a boy born on a cold, harvest night to a widow by mining accident. Iuliu the Meek. The child lacked strength. He could barely plow. He couldn’t walk far without labored breath. His eyes appeared a perpetual hemorrhage, and grew to be excluded from the community. Before too long the new demon would be actively repelled by his peers. The sadness and sorrow drove him to seek refuge in the bog. No one dared follow, as it was believed to be a place of malevolent spirits and grief.

As generations came and went, the story was molded into a cautionary tale to keep children out. Reports from travelers would occasionally include the spotting of corpses ambling among the peat and tall grass. Legend had it they were the lives claimed by the swamp, making their pilgrimage to the hidden necropolis founded by Iuliu, now a terrifying necromancer.

A child’s bedtime story, townsfolk mythology at best, now presented itself for all to see. Iulius knew of Nicator’s advance and what would happen to the swamp if in the wrong hands. His refuge would cease to exist, as it would be drained for more crops. There was no way he would let the tactical incompetence of the Thicket destroy another home.

“And who, exactly, are you?” Ignorant to local culture, Nicator was watching a new spectacle unfold right before his eyes.

“I, sir, am Iulius,” the grate on the helmet blew words out like a bellows. His difficulty speaking became apparent, as he slowly and meticulously carved out sentences from these gusts. “I am here to inform you that the empire will not take the Thicket, and it shall fall back to its borders internationally recognized. This land has no need for the empire, and truly, the area is merely a notch in her belt.”

“How dare one knight defy the greatness of Nicator’s army!” A pompous shout, if one were ever to exist, but seconds gave way to laughter. “Your gall is laughable. How do you expect to succeed in this repel?”

“Mighty Emporor Nicator, do not be so foolish to think this emissary traveled lightly.” By this time the threads of smoke had made tendrils about the feet of the villagers. Heavier fog rolled over the battle ground like the tongues of wild animals. Even the most stalwart of soldier sensed the immediate dread over the cards to be played next.

Silence was broken when dozens of shofar blasted the tranquil air about them. Clink-a-clank, clink-a-clank, clink-a-clank. Rumble-thunk, Rumble-thunk, Rumble-thunk. Clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop. The dead made themselve known. Warriors from brutal ages, archers of legendary marksmenship, and all ranges of calvary lined up with a motley of ensigns tattered by age and fighting. The seige mechanics milled about, slowly moving their abominations into position. Ghoulish creatures, never completely whole and never completely apart, stood shoulder-to-shoulder with the now outrageously frightened militia. The scent of decomposition overwhelmed many, and gave way to the aroma of urine and defecant.

“What sorcery is this?!” Cried the conquerer of nations. “I have met the master of Evil this day! Lo, the empire does not do business with such treachery!”

This gave the gaunt figure pause, for it reminded him of his past. It reminded him of all he wished to escape, and the entire reason for his display. Further encouraged by his decision, he remained silent. A moment later saw the slow draw of a obsidian blade with white relief, the hounds of war, and come to point at the opposition. The drop cut curls into the larthargic mist.

No sooner did Nicator scream his orders than flames pox the sky. Utter bedlam broke out as the militia scrambled to save their own skin. One would think all of them came to fight barehanded, tools dropped so quickly. Blade upon blade, leather upon sinew, forces collided with a remarkable resonance. Fog confused, and smoke blurred. Chaos took his usual seat in the middle of the action.

Savage, but astonishingly harmless, living combatants were rendered helpless as children and no more dead than alive. Any unarmed being was then left to their own devices and soon found a will to live as a spectator. It did make sense, much later around the campfires of caravans, why this was to be. The dead, especially those a casualty of war, wish not to remember their past let alone repeat it. Their benevolence was cloaked in bone and riddle, but served as a potent reminder of the nature of combat. Running swift upon winged feet, messages of soliders returning to their countries spread from coast to coast. Most, if not all, would find a way to honor the dead in return for their sage-like mercy. An era of peace was afoot.

Nicator’s defeat was finalized with the would-be conqueror prostrate at Iulius’s stirrup. “By the gods, this wasn’t meant to happen! How?! I’m to rule the world. I am order! I am law! I am a god!” Weeping through his white silver mask, tears and saliva dripped from the slots masterfully carved.

“You are not a god, sir. You are a monster. You are an animal, and as such, you shall be dinner.” The sputtering line collided with the image of the victor. Someone so weak was now demonstrably formidable, and strong enough to cut the head off an empire. Nicator jumped to his feet in alarm. “What? NO!” could only escape his lips before the commanding officers fell upon him in hunger. Little could be seen of the actual event, but the gurgling wails gave nightmares to all. A revolting mess lay in place of the mightiest of the mighty.

The emaciated figure now turned to the gathering crowd for one last performance. Tired and taciturn, the black grill was finally removed to show the visage of a blood-eyed skull. Thin, ashen skin stretched taught over ancient bones ticked in the light of day while dirty white wisps of hair swayed from his scalp. Iulius preserved himself the only way he knew how.

“Thank you, merciful Iulius, for saving our people in this time of need.” Country folk knew naught of anything else to say. For a moment, it seemed as if all was right with the world until a screech of anger and pain pieced the gathering like a spear. Iulius was not intersted in amends, but not so much in revenge either. Guiding his steed through the mass, his party silently marched back to their domain. It served as a powerful statement to the folly of human nature.

For centuries to come, the swamp of the Thicket would be off limits for different reasons.

© 2013 by Corvidae in the Fields, all rights reserved

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Something Quite Appeeling

Good Afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen,

I, Sir Nathaniel Aloysius Carlisle Humperdink Elderwine XIII, Esq., have accepted to undertake scientific exploits from Her Majesty’s Panel of Frivolousness (HMPF). In my first experiment, I have been commissioned to determine whether or not nail clippings can truly be peeled like bananas. Being selected to test a hypothesis like this was not only a great honour, but a chance to prove myself at panel. It seems the chairman has come to the assertion his clippings are often shaped like bananas, and as such, could be peeled like them. This is an unsurprising declaration from the venerable prolocutor, as bananas have always been his favorite food. On one specific occasion, it has been rumored the Speaker of the Panel arrived at the department gates to find our chairman planting several banana trees in the council room.

First, I needed to obtain a sample of nails for the experiment. While it wasn’t immediately known where I could find such material, I set out to the forest to harvest such a curious item. Many hours were spent in wooded areas admiring the complex nature of these… animals? Vegetables? Minerals? It was a rather good mystery regarding taxonomy. How long has it taken for these… things… to evolve such wonderful camouflage? I dare say millions, maybe even billions, of years. Albeit a bit discouraged, I sat upon a log in a clearing. A strange sight it was! The rather metallic trunks of the tree had grown perpendicular branches exactly two meters in length in front of it. Nature has such a mathematical precision about her! Brilliant, I say! It was almost made for sitting.

During my rest, I was greeting by a nymph of the forest. I knew she was magical, as she was as brown as bark and her head bore four great dimples similar to a fort post. She was as stunning as she was mystifying. The dryad before me conveyed a warning. She said I had not respected the ways of the enchanted forest, and must seek my way out. I was simply dismayed! What have I done to offend nature’s garden? Apparently, making a campfire from the magical barrel of tinder and hunting the rolling beasts at the edge of the forest upset the wood nymph. I had always been under the impression that pack animals made for great sport and fine dining. Little did I know my sabre would prove poor armament against the herd and I was quickly routed in the scuffle.

Upon my trek outward, the dryad insisted upon following me. Undoubtedly, this made me quite nervous as nymphs as well as other enchanted creatures of the forest have been known to make mischief upon weary adventurers. I pressed onward quickly, as to confuse the sprite of my location, but she was now hot on my heels. Using leopard-like maneuvers, I began to climb trees and bound from branch to branch. My skill has not be matched by anyone alive to date! There was little fortune in this action though, as one of the trees dropped its limb and I plummeted toward the Earth. My troubles were far from over, as my landing was situated at the top of a ravine. The bulk of my supplies, as well as few articles of clothing, began to scatter themselves along the bank. I was not able to stop, until a boulder proved a sufficient barrier.

An adventurer/physic/scientist/noble does not let adversity stand in the way of their goals. It would be much easier to retire to my estate after such misfortune, and nurse my wounds with gin and tonic. However, the stoutest of hearts share their lives with history pages, and I took heart once again. My bravery was rewarded with treasure. During my equipment check, my assessment noted the loss of one shoe. I do adore my oxblood wingtips, and grieved a bit for its demise but this grief quickly dissipated once I saw a banana-like formation dangling from my extremity. Carefully, I plucked it from its roost upon my big toe and flipped through my illustrated journal. Indeed! It was exactly the material I needed to proceed with my experiment. The enchanted forest had taken pity on me, and blessed my feet with the power of producing this curious product. Truly, science does not always have the answers to Mother Nature’s abilities. I’ll have to instruct Martha, my faithful servant, to notify me of any other produce the next time she is grooming my feet.

Back in my laboratory, I found my work far from over. It would seem this fruit, as it were, is not to the same scale as my hands. A tragedy indeed, as I am unable to manually peel anything of that size. This required some serious thought. I spent most of the evening up in my study researching books of size. Big books, little books, and mid-sized books all held nothing of value. A setback like this could prove the end of any adventure, but there was room for one last try. Sitting on my throne of the glistening white, I recalled a play from Thomas and Gerald where Thomas made a compact meal of Thanksgiving dinner via the use of alum.

The laboratory could not be close enough. I made a makeshift basin of a mixing bowl and a concoction of one part alum and nineteen parts water. Moving quickly meant less time to reconsider, as the bleeding edge of science can terrify any man. I dipped my hands into the mixture and waited. Minutes were hours in this tortuous game of patience. By the benchmark of ten and five minutes, I retracted my palms to examine the result. There was no noticeable change in the size of my hands, only an advance in age as fine wrinkles appeared on my fingers. Complete failure! In a rush of frustration I dashed the bowl upon the floor and swiped several texts from their shelves. This was not going to be a favorable report for the chairman.

Martha, hearing the calamity, burst through my laboratory doors. She was afraid I had turned myself into ghost again and was trying to walk through walls like last time. Upon seeing my distraught state, I reluctantly told her of my misfortunes. Maybe she thought I was practicing my Vaudevillian skills, as she began laughing hysterically. A flush of anger came over me and I erupted with a passionate objection to which she said, “if you want to play around with your toe nails so badly, why not use some tweezers?” Of course, it’s not my hands that need to be small, rather small instruments. I’m very fortunate to be able to translate plebeian observation into useful scientific action.

With two tweezers and a pair of loops “borrowed” from the jewelry store down the road, I hit my biggest break yet. The texture of the fruit revealed several horizontal lines, something like baklava.  The tweezers were a bit clumsy at times, but with a little effort I found a person could peel portions off the clippings like a banana. Burning Bunsens, it actually worked! I was left with a rough inner core, which was presumably the edible reward of my toil.

The “meat” of the fruit was crispy, flaky, and had a slight nutty taste. A bit dry, I found myself in need of a beverage afterward. It was truly of Divine inspiration overall. Wait until the chairman hears my report! He’ll be delighted beyond words.

As you can see, my dear reader, anything is possible with a lion’s heart and a terrier’s tenacity. You’d do well to remember that on your future journeys. Until next time, I bid you adieu.

Yours Very Truly,

N. A. C. H. Elderwine XIII, Esq.

© 2013 by Corvidae in the Fields, all rights reserved

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