Tuesday, March 25th, 2014

I’ve done well, I think, in the past week by providing more material to read. This is decidedly because I’ve worked on Reddit writing prompts for eight days now. Do I always end up with something that fits the prompt? No. Yesterday’s story went far off into left field, but so what? So what if I use prompts in general? An art class can look at the same still life and come up with no two pictures exactly alike. I’ve been there.

I’ll have you know I scared off two groups of three people at a bar while writing that last piece. It was so much fun to get into the flow, I get all sorts of “weird” and make “odd” faces. There’s nothing more than that, but others don’t want to be around people like me let alone say anything. I’m sure this is one reason I haven’t met anyone yet. Maybe it’s the population around here? Maybe it’s just better I stay single and die young? I’ll be sure to buy a part from James Dean’s car.

Regardless, what is important in all of this is that I haven’t stopped. The engines have not been cut and I haven’t drifted for too long. The longer one drifts, the easier it is to give up. I don’t want to give up. When I find a second job, I don’t want to give up. After battling depression, I don’t want to give up. Why? Because it’s something to hold on to. Right now, it’s the only thing I’m holding on to.

On a different note, there’s nothing inside of me that desires a “Freshly Pressed” logo on my blog. I’ve determined this as my phone decided to thrust the front page in my face Sunday. Why? That’s not an easy questions to answer, but it can be done. An easy take is that I’m not looking to compete with others. That makes life in America a tad more difficult as there’s always the Ayn Rand jerk off that thinks they’re allowed to step on you. No, you’re not. Not now; not ever.

Other reasons aren’t so clear cut. In a way, I’ve despised trophies in the past. Maybe it’s because acceptance speeches aren’t my gig, but there seems something else to it. That’s not my reward. My reward isn’t that tangible. Notoriety is one thing, but I’m not looking for a gold star to show off to others. Would a best-selling publication be awesome? Sure! However, I’ve lived life long enough to know there’s a plethora of interference between me and that success.

Accessibility seems to be part of that problem from time to time. Often do I get the whole “I don’t get it” routine from the public. That’s not saying everyone doesn’t get it, or that sometimes I don’t get others but people do miss the more subtle things I put into my writing. Maybe I’m wrong and they just don’t care, but that’s not what I’m picking up from of them.

Speaking of stepping, I’ve decided to acquire some new work boots as my Sketchers decided to fall apart after a year. These boots were expensive, but if I polish and oil them they should last a long time. That’s what I’m counting on, at least. Boy will I be upset if they get ruined.

Advertisement

Maine Philosopher to Receive Prestigious Local Award

Dramatization of Copper Corncob Award

Monday marked the arrival of Maine Philosopher Austin Hodgens for his receipt of the Copper Corncob Award for being outstanding in his field. Hooterville periodically bestows the municipal award to any person demonstrating “outstanding examples of American-ality.” With such recognition of minor American holidays and a direct line to large Biblical figures, Mayor Noelle Redenbacher decided it would be a perfect fit for the New Yorker gone Mainer.

When asked why copper was the metal used for the trophy, the Mayorship responded, “that’s a great question. This is a real recent thing, and the first corncob was actually made of gold. Unfortunately, the second time the cob was to be awarded, Cindy Messerschmitt down at the Pig in a Poke Bar ‘n’ Grill needed 32 replacement teeth. Doc Dentine, our local dentist, wasn’t able to procure materials in time, and as a result, we used the gold from cob. In its place, we melted all the pennies we could find and that seemed to work out. By the way, you’re not going to tell the Feds about this are you?”

There was a little trouble on the city’s only landing strip, as Old Farmer McIntyre’s two cows, Millie and Pumpkin, refused to move of the tarmac. With a little luck, and a bit of bribery, the sprightly Cessna was cleared to touch down amid Hooterville’s welcoming committee and the Black Swamp All-Star Jazzercise Squad. They had Austin sweating to the oldies in no time.

After the ceremony, this reporter found Austin running a few laps down a country road in his running toga. “I think it’s wonderful to be recognized by people outside of Maine. It’s a good feeling when you know you’re connecting with others throughout the country.” That’s about all I could record, before I collapsed to the ground. I had to give him my congratulations, and then take a little breather on the asphalt.

Other supporters of Mr. Hodgens were delighted to weigh in support of his recent award. The Hootenanny, the city’s oldest and only newspaper, phoned the campaign offices of Mayor McCheese. The gubernatorial candidate has greatly benefited from the philosopher’s support on his blog. Being that the Mayor was unavailable at the moment, Zeus took the call:

*******

Zeus: This is fantastic. Austin has been an integral part of our campaign, and Mayor McCheese and I couldn’t be more pleased to hear of this accolade.

Me: Is this taking any time away from his support of Mayor McCheese?

Zeus: Oh, no. With the marvels of modern technology, humans can be more omnipresent like me. I think I have the edge in that market though.

Me: Was there any dissent, when news arrived?

Zeus: None at all. Austin is great friends with everyone here at the campaign headquarters. Although we were a little… surprised at the source, considering there have been some unpleasant accusations against the Mayor from your newspaper. Stop making faces, Sir. I can see you; I am still Zeus.

Me: Humph!

*******

…and there you have it, folks! Inspiring new philosophers across this great nation, we here at the Hootenanny look forward to more cutting edge material from the Modern Philosopher soon.

So, what do you think? Was Mr. Hodgens the right choice for this highly-coveted award? Who would be a great candidate for the next time Lulu the Organ Grinding Monkey trades in all of her pennies for bananas? What is the mean airspeed of an unladen swallow? What is your favorite color? Do I have pretty eyes? Where’s my dog and wouldn’t you like to be a Pepper, too?