Sunday: March 29, 2015

…and so, here I am.

Small things have changed, but the larger picture is still the same. I haven’t left Stonefield for any exotic lands, but to cut down on the depression I joined a gym two months ago. Today is normally my day of rest, however I flubbed up Friday night’s schedule and will want to make it up today. I feel better, yet it still seems too easy to get wound up outside of it.

Also, my mind had given me another push to pursue a relationship. That’s not to say I have any right now, but after several people suggested to seek online I set up an account in two places. It has also been two months. As you can see, I’m quite the catch. That’s a joke. I’m making a joke, because otherwise I’d be working out at the gym twice a day.

To stand out from the crowd, I even made a fake movie trailer to catch someone’s attention:

This film is rated “W” for “Wry.”

Get ready for the surprise hit of the season that will make you feel more uncomfortable than watching “Meet the Parents.”

Meet this guy, an unsuspectingly active man in the middle of NW Ohio. He’s responsible, hardworking, and considerate but there’s one thing he’s missing: smoothness. [username] stars in “Anxious in [city]: the Suburb Out in the Middle of Nowhere.”

Reading the news: “Why do all the sociopaths land dates?”

Surveying a townie bar: “Is there a decent conversation in the house?”

On being single: “Whaddaya mean Skyrim and Jimmy John’s doesn’t count as a date? Liking anything under the Elder Scrolls series is a ticket for moving in with me. Morrowind is grounds for marriage.”

Running at the gym: (in thought) “Gonna die. Gonna die. Gooooooonna die, and for the love of God don’t look at her ass!”

Watch as he tries to make “small talk” with the locals.

Me: “So, you’re a flight attendant?”
Her: “That’s right.”
Me: “Are there any health risks associated with that?”
*record scratch*
Me: “What? There was a 2008 case in South Carolina… Where are you going?”
*looks at bartender*
Bartender: “God dammit!”
*throws down bar towel*
Me: “What?”
*has pint glass switched with water*
Me: “Hey! I was still drinking that.”
Bartender: “Beer is for closers.”

Someday he might get it right but until that time it’ll be more awkward than the class dork meeting the Harley Quinn impersonator at a comic con.

Me: “She makes me feel kinda funny, like when I climb the rope in gym class.”
Her: “That line was already done.”
Me: “Dammit! It was a good one, too.”

See what the critics have been saying about “Anxious in [city]: the Suburb Out in the Middle of Nowhere!”

“Anxious… is a the surprise of the season! Affable and a damn snazzy dresser. A laugh a minute that will leave you amazed! 10/10” – Abbey K. (a real life female)

“Be thrown in to the world of authentic 19th century courting, while you are showered with 80s references no one remembers.” Nicholas F.

“This guy needs to relax.” ~ Chris C.

“To quote the Macho Man, ‘oh yeah!'” ~ Tim A.

“The two best things for dating are ‘Anxious’ and calendars.” ~ Ben O.

So, come and see the hilarity and hijinks of being out-of-step with the dating world, and not in a spunky Ian MacKaye sort of way. It’s “Anxious in [city]: the Suburb Out in the Middle of Nowhere,” now playing at a dead-end city near you!

I laughed. A handful of others did too, but I was proud of myself even if it didn’t bring very many people.

For most my life, I’ve been trying to understand this concept of love. I don’t. I’m not sure without much experience I will ever. It sounds delightful, and painful at the same time. That seems something I’d be in to, as many things I do are of similar ilk. However, as I should have expected, many matches are far enough that it’s quite impractical. I’ve tried the long-distance thing before and it’s just ugly. I never want to go through that again.

The “women” (plenty are scammers posing as women) I’ve tried to engage a conversation don’t respond or decline. It seems I am, too, so far away.


2 thoughts on “Sunday: March 29, 2015

  1. Joseph Nebus says:

    Aw, well, the important thing is not so much the result as it is the process of being out there, open, and ready to be hurt. I don’t know why. It suggests all society is daft.

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