Dear Citizens of WordPress Province,
I know it’s highly irregular of me to post three times on a weekend, but this needs to be done for my reflection. Not in the mirror, mind you, but mental reflection. I’m not that vain. This is much like my earlier post about the dream, which I have a vague idea now what I was troubled over. I think I am concerned over making the wrong move again. The two roommates were a thought over the people that I meet in my life. The two were actually one, and the second was skeptical of showing all of themselves to new people. Guarded, if you will.
Right, now for the real point. I set up a profile on a niche dating site. For right now, I won’t specifically identify it but it’s not match.com, OKCupid, or eHarmony. As an aside, the eHarmony starter kit depressed me so much I couldn’t finish it. I read in between the lines way too much, and the “encouraging” lines translated just so to the point I felt like a sorry sack of crap. This place is a tiny website that scares away people who don’t like to read. I’ve given you all the information you need to figure it out on your own.
It has been over three weeks since I started the profile, but the return hasn’t been much of anything. I put everything in its right place, even several short but meaningful reviews of books I’ve read over the years. That’s not to say I was expecting anything, but there it is. The point is there were no corners cut in the effort I put into it. I’ve always thought I haven’t read as much as I should, but looking at other people I’m a little ahead of the game. That’s disappointing, not reading.
Last night, as I finished my flash fiction and laundry, I received a small two-sentence message from another user.
“Biting profile words; I’m hooked. Tell me more, tell me anything.”
As far as I could tell, she wasn’t a spammer. The reviews looked genuine and there weren’t any links to other websites. She was from Oregon, which I later ran the numbers to be approximately 2,500 miles (~4,000 km) away from the Fields. Maybe she mistook the OH for OR?
It was at 6:00pm, and I decided to think about what to say. After all, what do I have to lose from responding with a well-thought out email? By the time I was ready to write, she vanished. It was no more than 17 hours after she said something. I don’t think anything less than 24 is rude, do you? The profile was deleted with no way to respond. I didn’t realize what happened, until I screamed “how the Hell do you respond on this thing?!” That’s when I saw the small-print notification.
What was it that made her bail so quickly I wonder? Was it the time lag or the distance? I can relate to the mileage. All of my “matches,” and that’s in quotes because they’re not seemingly good fits, are on the coasts. That’s a long way, brother. Maybe the whole idea really brought her down?
Whatever it was, I hope she finds what she’s looking for.
Corvidae in the Fields 
I, too, am on a site and I honestly don’t know why. So maybe she’s like me. I find my matches are too far away to truly establish a relationship with them and it seems wrong to start writing and find out that this wonderful person is too far away for me. Also I don’t think that leaving the response time at 24 hrs (approx) is too long.
I’ve been on dates from Match a few years ago and they were funnier than hell. All but one and he was scary. My bad. Seriously, you just never know what the person is going to be like until you meet them face to face. So, not that your’e asking, my advice is to shorten the intro, leave them wanting more and specify that you want to be within driving distance because you don’t want to be a pen pal. I didn’t get a lot of responses but the ones I got were genuinely interested.
I’m so happy you are looking!
Thanks, Laura. I thought it was enough time, too. My intro was the way I felt, when I wrote it. I thought it genuine for a man with nothing left to lose. There probably should be something in there about the distance. I don’t know if I could ever do an LDR again. That was the pits.
LDR’s are crappy unless one or the other likes driving or has tons of money to fly!Also the ‘nothing left to lose’ part might be seeping out. Not a good idea. Desperation is SO unattractive and nothing left to lose smacks of that very thing. Besides you are super smart, cute and you have opinions! These are all very attractive traits. Witticisms and being able to dance are also good in the beginning. Oh, how I wish I were dating again. It’s so fun!
24 hrs is not too long to wait. I imagine fear got the best of her. Either way, you know that your words engaged someone, and that is only good news. Maybe the profile will appear again. I certainly don’t think she did it to be mean. In any case, ‘tell me more, tell me anything” is quite a compliment. It’s like saying your words are made of gold and pleasant to the ear. Your 35 yr old ear. 🙂 BTW, I’ve read (as in reading) that a huge portion of Americans don’t ever pick up a book after college to voluntarily read. Amazing, isn’t it? That’s like saying, “There is all this freshly-baked bread around me that smells delicious, but I choose to never break off a piece.”
I don’t think she did it to be mean either. She probably got rattled and discontinued the profile. In other news, I find the lack of faith in Americans reading disturbing.
I think 24 hours is a measured response time. Not too eager. Not apathetic. Just right. Whatever her reasons, I’m sure they had nothing whatsoever do to with you or her message to you.
As hard as it is, this is exactly what to do right now. I met MTM by doing this, and I didn’t meet him on a site. It was because I was on a site that my mind was in a different place to be receptive to him. This will lead somewhere, if you’re strong enough to endure it. I really, really believe that.
Endurance is a very good way to describe it, Andra.
I know. It sucks.
I never had the pleasure of online dating and I say that more sincerely than sarcastic as I think I might have enjoyed it for a time. But I met my hubby back when online dating was still only for weirdos or people who lived on the coasts. 😉 I think adding book reviews to your profile rocks! Choosing to date someone according to their reading habits is wise, IMO. Good indicator of compatibility .
There’s also a twist. I have put up books I’ve read that I have disliked too. Profile visitors will have to actually read my review to know if it’s a favorite or not. 🙂
You, my friend, are a brave man. I’ve never really trusted internet dating sites… purely out of personal ignorance and the unfounded assumption that weirdos would put up false profiles to lure young women! I’m an old married woman now though… and obviously internet dating has come a long way over the years. I do wish you all the best in terms of finding a genuine partner. Keep up those literature reviews!
I don’t think its an unfounded fear, Laura. I’m not entirely sold on the idea myself. It’s hard to trust people on the Internet. Everything could be a complete fabrication, and women get so much junk mail from the sleazy. I’ve often wondered how I would approach a profile I was genuinely interested in without it going to the trash bin.