I will be attending a conference in New Hampshire on Friday. This will be a great chance to get out of the state, but conferences bore the Hell out of me. That probably goes for the majority of other conference goers, but I’d like to complain about it anyway. Indulge me in my whining. No? OK, I’m going to run upstairs, slam my bedroom door, and punish you with three hours of Judas Priest before I get real hungry and go downstairs for a snack. Fat kid’s gotta eat.
This is where having completely carefree, spontaneous, comely female company comes in handy. If left to my own devices, I end up in a bar, drunk, with a pad of paper and a pencil. Mostly, I’m writing of death and destruction. With such a lovely assistant, how could I resist such absurd behavior as walking miles for a specific restaurant or standing naked in the town square in front of a throng of shocked onlookers? Well, maybe not the last part, but you get the idea. I can be pretty dull, when alone. I blame my parents.
To my benefit, I am not driving this time. Here’s where I can tell people are not from America. Immigrants and foreign tourists have this overwhelming tendency to think it only takes a couple hours to drive to shore. It’s like I can fold Pennsylvania, New York, and Vermont over and reach the east coast within time for lunch. THAT’S WHAT DID IN GENERAL CORNWALLIS, SUCKAS! The trip is deceptively long, and I’m not up for that kind of road trip. At least, for right now.
The alternative is to fly. Flying is about as fun as being pinched with a toy claw. You’ll live, but it’s annoying and the experience feels highly unnecessary. I’m just hoping I don’t get too much guff from the TSA lackeys, and can pass through Logan Int’l with little hassle as possible.
I think it fair to mention I’m also drinking extremely cheap beer at the moment. That should explain the disorganization and weaving train of thought. It’s so cheap and disgusting that I’m not going to mention the brand. Why did I buy it in the first place? I thought it would be an adventure. On second thought, this trip might be exactly what I need. Do you see to what I’m reduced?